T’was the night before Christmas, I swung on the hook
With snowflakes a’landing, asleep with my book
When up on the deck I heard footsteps and stuff
“I’ve been boarded!” I thought, and I tried to be tough

Then down the companionway hatch came a dude
He was dressed like a nut and I thought, “I’m so screwed”
But he laughed and he hummed as he surveyed my junk
So I figured he must be the resident drunk

His eyes were lit up like a junkie on speed
But he gave me a whole bunch of stuff that I need
Like rum and cigars and new charts and a dinghy
And some kind of fancy electrical thingy

I knew it was stolen but I wasn’t telling
I just hoped he was giving and wasn’t just selling
And I poured him a grog which he downed with a wink
Then I poured one for me (I needed a drink!)

Then he staggered above to the dark snowy night
As I peeked I beheld an incredible sight
Eight tiny dolphins and a beautiful sleigh
And the dude hopped aboard and prepared to make way

The dolphins were ready to power the sled
But the guy raised a ginny and mains’l instead
With a burp and a chuckle he gathered the breeze
And called to the dolphins, now swimming with ease

“Hey Stalker and FEMA and Cancer and Nixon!
Or Stinky and Pepper Spray, Mason, and Dixon!
Or whatever your names are, you cute little fishes,
Here’s to every last sailor, my best Christmas wishes!”

As he sailed away leaving a wobbly wake
I hoped he had not many stops left to make
He got close to shore and he soon was aground
But the dolphins proceeded to pull him around

And I heard him exclaim as he sailed out of sight
“Killer whales! ….. just kidding, don’t be so uptight!”

— Jerry Ewing TKG, Cruising World Bulletin Board/Cruising Sailor
Bulletin Board, vintage 1999

A sailing friend sent these to me.

# 1. ( Sing to the tune , “Jingle Bells” )
Hard a- lee hard a-lee ,
Tacking all the way .
Oh what fun it is to ride –
a High Performance sleigh – eeee
Spectra here , Carbon there,
what fun to spend the buck.
Dollars make us win today.
Hey ! nothings left to luck
OOOOOOOh !
Hard a-lee, hard a-lee
winning is the way,
Dig really deep my sailor friend,
If you want to play-eeee
Melges here , J boat there
See how fast they go,
If you want to get a first
spend money , don’t cha know.

# 2. ( Sing to the tune of ” O christmas tree ” also know as ” O Tannenbaum”
O, wooden boat! my wooden boat!
It is my hope you stay afloat ,
O, worms and rot, I want you not,
There’s bottom paint on , coat by coat.
I varnished here
I varnished there
I used brushes of – the finest hair.
O, Wooden boat! my wooden boat!
All this up-keep gets my goat.

# 3. ( Sing to the tune ” O little town of Bethlehem ” )
Oh little boat of fiber-glass,
How still I see thee lie.
With blisters on your bottomside,
the size of an apple pie.
But in the dark wet brewing,
delamination grows .
Neglected years, the owner’s tears,
West System Epox-y-ose !

# 4. (Sing to the tune of “The 12 Days of Christmas” ) (for you non racers, a
big fast DNS is a racing term for “did not start”)
On the first day of racing , my new crew brought to me
A big fat D-eeee N S.
On the second day of racing , my new crew brought to me
Two tangled sheets and a big fat D-eee N S
On the third day of racing , my new crew brought to me
Three bad tacks , two tangled sheets and a big fat D-eee N S.
On the fourth day of racing my , new crew brought to me …
four spinnaker wraps , three bad tacks , two tangled sheets and a big fat D-eee
N S
On the fifth day of racing , my new crew brought to me ,…
Five accidental jibes …. four spinnaker wraps , three bad tacks, two tangled
sheets and a big Fat D-eee N S..
On the sixth day of racing , my new crew brought to me.
Six winches back wound, Five accidental jibes ,four spinnaker wraps , three bad
tacks, two tangled sheets and a big Fat D-eee N S..
On the seventh day of racing, my new crew brought to me..
Seven sea-sick throw ups, Six winches back wound, Five accidental jibes ,four
spinnaker wraps , three bad tacks, two tangled sheets and a big Fat D-eee N S..
On the eighth day of racing, my new crew brought to me..
Eight beers a -drinking, Seven sea-sick throw ups, Six winches back wound Five
accidental jibes ,four spinnaker wraps , three bad tacks, two tangled sheets and
a big Fat D-eee N S..
On the Ninth day of racing , my new crew brought to me ..
Nine winch handles swimming, Eight beers a -drinking, Seven sea-sick throw ups,
Six winches back wound, Five accidental jibes ,four spinnaker wraps , three bad
tacks, two tangled sheets and a big Fat D-eee N S.
on the tenth day of racing , my new crew brought to me ….
Ten halyards let loose, Nine winch handles swimming, Eight beers a -drinking,
Seven sea-sick throw ups, Six winches back wound, Five accidental jibes ,four
spinnaker wraps , three bad tacks, two tangled sheets and a big Fat D-eee N S.
On the Eleventh day of racing , my new crew brought to me ..
Eleven Chute poles broken, Ten halyards let loose, Nine winch handles swimming,
Eight beers a -drinking, Seven sea-sick throw ups, Six winches back wound, Five
accidental jibes ,four spinnaker wraps , three bad tacks, two tangled sheets and
a big Fat D-eee N S.
On the Twelth day of racing , my new crew brought to me ….
Twelve headsails overboard, Eleven Chute poles broken, Ten halyards let loose,
Nine winch handles swimming, Eight beers a -drinking, Seven sea-sick throw ups,
Six winches back wound, Five accidental jibes, four spinnaker wraps , three bad
tacks, two tangled sheets and a big Fat D-eee N S.